A post about failure

So…i tested my back squat today.  You know, that 3 month program I did? I was gunning for 175# and 150# for my squats..


I hit neither. I was 10# below for my front squat and 5# below for my back squat.  I was heartbroken today when I tested and failed (BADLY)…I was so psyched and so excited and to have it be blown in my face after all that effort was….heartbreaking. It made me feel so defeated-I put so much time and effort into these stupid squats and for what? Other people put in the work and are making these astronomical gains and I can barely move an extra 10-5# pounds.  

That being said, it’s not my way to wallow. It’s not conducive to who I am. Instead, i’m going to check out the lessons I learned during this cycle and the subsequent failures.

First, I DID improve my maxes.  Even if my max numbers weren’t what i wanted. I started with 155# for a back squat and 125# for a front squat. I ended with 170# and 140# for both. 15# gain for both. 

My squats ARE stronger.  as a whole, I’m a far stronger squatter. Today we did AMRAP of 6 hang cleans @ 95# and my squats felt REALLY strong. My clean has gone up during this cycle, and I feel so much more confident catching the bar in the bottom of a full clean.

I managed to gain strength while losing weight. i don’t know if I’ve posted about this, but i’ve been mysteriously losing weight. I’m not sure what I weighed when I started (around 127-130?) but this morning I weighed in at 121 lbs.  I’m not sure if it’s a combo of extra work or more strength training or not enough food? i’m starting to drink more protein shakes to prevent this. I’ve also been getting random bouts of dizziness as well. SO weird.

I need to get better on counting.   I did the SAME thing today I did on Monday. literally. I meant to jump from 145 to 155, and ended up jumping all the way to 175! I forgot I had already added 10’s and added MORE 10’s on top of what i wanted. A little ridiculous.So I wasn’t warmed up enough for that max, and failed at the bottom. 

I need to not rely on the belt.  I walked in expecting to be able to max out with a belt , and it wasn’t there. So next squat program, I am going belt less. I’m hoping to have my bumper plates by then, so if I fail, it’s fine.   My core HAS to get stronger- that’s my weak link

i need to be smarter about fueling myself. i need to get in the habit of eating within that window of time. Sometimes i would wait 2+ hours after WODS to eat.  Im just not smart about it. 

In 9 months, since my daughter was born I have made significant gains.  I need to remember my gains strength and skill wise sometimes when I’m feeling down on myself.    I also have to remember i’ve lost a significant amount of weight (I came back at 132# and am at 121# now) and still managed to build strength while losing weight at a fairly low weight as it is. 

  • 20 lb on my deadlift (205->225)
  • 35 lbs on my back squat (135->170)
  • 25 lbs on my front squat (115->140)
  • 10 lbs on my strict press (75->85)
  • 20 lbs on my power clean (110->130)
  • 25 lbs on my regular clean (100->125)
  • 15 lbs on my snatch (65->80)
  • 30 lbs on my split jerk (95->125)

I have..

  • learned kipping HSPU (and am decent in them!)
  • started doing RX’d ring dips
  • have gotten 20 pull ups in a row
  • learned how to butterfly pull-ups 
  • PR’d my Fran, Angie and Diane time by 4-5 minutes each and RX’d them all. 

All in all-I learned a lot. I didn’t walk in confident today, I jumped way to high and I was thrown off without the belt. I also think I wasn’t smart with Hatch. Same as Smolov-these high rep squat programs really need me to cut back on some of the met cons and focus on strength. Which I didn’t.

So for the next 3 months, while I do Bergner and the extra oly lifting, I’m going to be smarter about fueling, and how much work I do.   I’ll skip the gym one week day and take Sunday off, and just give my body the time and fuel it needs to recover. I’m committed to getting my back squat up to 200#-I know it’s going to take time and effort on my part.

I am going to use this journal as a way to progress my journey with these programs and to keep myself honest with how well I’m doing and how i’m fueling



8 thoughts on “A post about failure

    1. Lil Mama Post author

      Thank you! I think i was more disappointed because I didn’t fail due to lack of strenvth(or at least I didn’t max until failure) but rather due to my messy set up and not counting right

  1. warriorgirllifting

    As someone who used to live and die by maxes, I’ve learned: 1) you made good gains so not a failure. 2) coach has spent ages engraining that max week isn’t the END but rather the START, getting a number to write the next %s. I don’t know why but this finally worked for me to take the pressure off, I no longer die by the final #.

    1. Lil Mama Post author

      Thank you so much. This was helpful-that POV really does help especially considering I want to start another program.

      In fact, I was was actually going to wait until after the new year to test, and use those numbers to do the Bergner program(like you said, a start) but I kept being told I “had to test” so I did. It’s my fault for not doing what I thought would be best-I knew I was stronger in my squat even if my max didn’t rise a lot.

      So much to learn….

  2. fionaboger

    Girl. You need to give yourself some credit. You have made HUGE gains and one of the biggest parts is getting better form (which it seems you have as well) and the strength will come. You’ve made a ton of progress so be proud of that!

    1. Lil Mama Post author

      thank you…I really do try to be more positive but i was just really bummed because i was super psyched about this lift! oh well…ill get it one day!


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